When I was pregnant there was no shortage of people telling me what to expect. Reiterating stories about pregnancy, birth and parenting. I recall it all…
- Morning sickness sucks. Indeed.
- Morning sickness isn’t limited to mornings. It wasn’t.
- Feeling your baby move in your belly is amazing. Understatement.
- Labor is excruciating. MAJOR understatement.
- Try a natural birth. Are you on drugs? I know I want to be.
- Breastfeeding is important. DUH!
- It’s ok to supplement with formula. Of course it is, but not for me and my babe.
- Cloth diapers are fabulous. I hate doing laundry.
- You’ll never get a full night’s sleep again. Sometimes I do.
- Don’t co-sleep. Too late.
- Stop breastfeeding at 6 months. Hush.
- Stop breastfeeding at a year. Shut up!
- Mommyhood is amazing and you will be forever changed. Amazing could never describe this incredible gift I’ve been blessed with.
I believe that wholly with every beat of my heart, with every breath that I take. Motherhood is miraculously beautiful, but nobody ever told me how hard it is to see your baby grow, to thrive and shed their sweet babyness.
They never said that when my baby rolled over the first time it would make my stomach turn in sadness. They withheld the fact that her first tooth would bring a tirade of tears (from me). Not one person told me that when my baby crawled she was actually taking strides away from infancy or that her first steps would be stab wounds to my heart. Why couldn’t somebody mention that milestones would induce mourning. Mourning the millions of fleeting, precious moments.
And there are so many – so many memories crammed in to minutes and I fret. I worry that I can’t possibly hold on to each memory of this precious child and all the wonderful things she does, every moment of every day.
Why didn’t somebody -anybody – tell me that it’s all so bittersweet? That when my baby becomes a toddler I would long for those first few weeks when I was swimming in an ocean hormones and newborn newness.
It passes too quickly, too painfully fast.
The speed of it all whips my soul to shreds…and then she comes along, this magical memory maker in all her angelic glory and she puts me back together…she reminds me of how truly blessed I am.
She’s healthy, she’s happy, she’s thriving. And with that she is changing….always changing.
I miss my baby, but oh, sweet Lord, do I LOVE this toddler.